I go quiet sometimes. Not a bad thing. Opportunity to reflect. To process. To figure out what I think, how I feel, in reaction to. In relation to.

My favorite line in my favorite film, from one of my favorite plays, A Raisin in the Sun…“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.” – Lorraine Hansberry

So that’s what I do. I sit awhile…and I think. And…things come. Some good, some not so good, some horrific, some absolutely extraordinary. And although I may not enjoy some of the things that find their way into my consciousness…I get stronger and stronger as a result of it all.

I have never shied away from information. In fact I’ve always gone in search of it. I’ve never understood the whole…head in the sand scenario. People who choose to deny themselves vitally important information. About themselves. About others.

Even as I found myself among them. Because yes…my God…yes…I have also been someone with my head deeply buried…I didn’t realize it at the time…kept telling myself that my eyes were wide open…when in fact they were so, so often…wide shut! Belief is such a powerful thing. What I believed…I believed. And nobody…and I mean…nobody…could tell me different.

We believe what we do because we need to. If we didn’t we’d believe something else. Which I’ve learned. Again and again and again.

Why? Why did I need to believe what I did? Why do I need to believe what I do now? Ah la la. Questions. For me all roads lead back to love. The need for love. I hear people say…fuck love…I don’t need love…love isn’t real…there’s no such thing…and I say…

I believe.

For me all of this is pointless without it. I don’t feel the great need for everybody else in the world to agree with me. To see it my way. To think, feel, and deal as I do. Or be damned. No fascist I.

I do question though. What’s so terrifying about a world where everyone makes the conscious choice daily to treat everyone else with love and respect? Why must we choose to live by the dictates of those who hurt, disrespect, and destroy? Why must our lives be a reaction instead of an action?

I choose to act. Responsibly. Lovingly. Respectfully. Generously. Kindly. Compassionately. Thoughtfully. Conscientiously. Consciously. Humorously. Humanely.

Even if I’m not reacted to in kind. It’s my choice. So that’s what I choose.